Viewing entries in
lifestyle

wishlist

  1. space held and holding

  2. love reciprocated in a spectrum of surprises

  3. trust mounting me to deep rooted subtropical trees

  4. collapsed time,

  5. a steady breeze,

  6. clear shade and sun

  7. fear released—reserved for body + mind in worship

  8. true self-care the only concern

  9. music sustaining,

  10. engaged eyes,

  11. attentive touch

  12. contributing,

  13. cackling,

  14. connecting

  15. safety alone, in two, in a tribe

  16. tastebuds satiated

  17. climaxes uncountable

  18. cool rain right when it’s wanted

  19. the scent of lushness throughout the night

  20. pulchritude in interdimensional waves


our weekly call

i wasn’t sure when to begin

the post-its known by heart were stacked, folded, bent and hardly sticking

i had rehearsed the night before, i had played in loops worst case

scenarios: neutral responses dashed down in a scrawl

were top of the pile

an email sent the night before to soften the blow

had evoked enthusiasm;

he mentioned it first, providing prompting—

my motor mouthed monologue

an outpouring, out of order, of excuses and i love yous

to let him know about new deadlines, some opportunities, no more plans

his glass emptied as i came around to vocalizing gratitude

eight years i’ve been away, for six months they thought i was to stop it

he jokes of scotch to fill his chakras,

while i search for meaning, ‘still only in asia’

no more pretending to re-schedule

i don’t believe in time

i am here and gone

how to struggle

in order to completely     survive the day    

untraumatized, erect    associated, whole  

regulated, adjusted      nervous systems intact    

senses processed    

personalized, not taking personal    

mobilized, self-aware



memories always accessible waiting just where they belong

dreams only peppered in unpleasant ‘nightmare’ not in the vernacular

engaged through and throughout but not used up, no never

remember, you may nap



apply unaffordable essentials

to your life, liberally

massage deeply with ring fingers

only, so as to merely surface pat

but assuredly affect change

—this skill may take time



patient communication

forgiveness work in the same safe space

on the cleanest floor

mindful mindful, mind your breath


embrace unwanted change

but remember to change nothing

when mercury

appears to be behaving backwards


stomach in up, shift in your seat

erudite posture, core considerations lovingly

carefully, unrefusingly

recognize your thoughts, acknowledging what comes next


let things go in layers

but don’t let them fall away for sure;

the weather changes frequently, &

who here still believes in time?

unfolding knowingly

gentle, gentle breathing past it

chanting, humming, shuddering’s fine too

respectfully recognize and know your feelings


a soft embodiment of struggle


cotton in your ears a sacral melt before you rest

imagine an egg beneath your neck let incense mingle with your hips

let clog bits uncongeal harshest exhale now out the mouth

soft sight beneath heavy lashes fluttering toward a roll over on your right

up you go


centered


survived


& off to bed,

you’ve reached

night.


contusion

—after sylvia plath's 'contusion'

 

the girths of the seasoned girls hold secrets

bare, oily expositions in subtropical sun

the past's darkening repercussions sub rosa

 

what was rose swiftly goes to lilac and lost denim,

in a week will be chartreuse, ending in fawn

after manners of the savages, formosa 1928

after manners of the savages, formosa 1928

the whites of your feathers and the roundness of your symmetries

the skyblue adornments as backdrop and accessory,

the thatched dwelling harmonious, linear, with purer purpose

 

the fresh pink of your crown and the bands at your knees, 

the cheekbones of sepia and the ligaments strong,

the black wraps on your bodies more essence than black sand beneath

 

the beads of color indicative, long, the clasp to hold longer,

the stripes with intent, stitched for time and its passages,

the feet adapted, the shoulders back, the stares the proudest of all

 

if these are the manners stamped as savage in sand a century before, how do our

meticulous sound systems,

bamboo attempts at fortitude,

synthetic searches for safety,

frond waving sinews of exhaustion,

feminist proclivities,

widening pupillary ethereality, and

dulled with dirt ersatz adornments

on the gods' manicured hills

have room for the way we choose to bend?